Sex God: A Review

“Sex. God. They’re connected. And they can’t be separated… This is a book about how sexuality is the ‘this’ and spirituality is the ‘that.’ To make sense of the one, we have to explore the other.” So introduces author Rob Bell to the discussion at hand in his book Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality. And “discussion” is an appropriate word. Like in his other works, such as Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith, Bell writes in such a way that the reader feels invited into an ongoing and open-ended conversation. Indeed, this is the group he seems most in tune with – modern, hip, Starbucks-going, blog-writing twentysomethings. In fact, the best way to read Sex God is to order your favorite drink from the barista and settle in for a few hours of deep and insightful exploration into the heart of God. He writes for those of us who are “fascinated with Jesus, but can’t stand the Christian package.”

Bell is the founding pastor of one of the country’s fastest growing churches, Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Rob attended Wheaton College and later Fuller Theological Seminary. His calling into the teaching ministry came one summer while working on his undergraduate degree. He was making ends meet teaching skiing lessons at a Christian youth camp when one day the pastor-speaker for the youth wasn’t able to make it. He offered to take his place. In preparation for his talk, Bell walked through the woods and sensed the Lord God speaking to him, saying “I will give you the words.” Bell felt that his calling into the teaching ministry began on that day.

The main theme of Sex God is simply sexuality. Or, rather, spirituality. Er, I mean, it’s sexuality and spirituality. Except that, to Bell, the two cannot be deconstructed like that. They are one and the same. And so Bell is talking about spirituality through the vehicle of sexuality, and sexuality through the reality of the spiritual. While this topic could be severely heady and theological (even that word Bell re-introduces), the author fills his book with stories that describe and paint and explain what he is trying to say. In speaking of the dignity God gives people and the particular attraction God has for beauty in things, he tells the story of the liberation of a Nazi concentration camp. Men and women were emaciated, starving, naked, near death. Medical supplies were coming in, but not fast enough. Somehow, amidst the boxed supplies of ointments and antibiotics and food, a box of lipstick found its way into the camp. Bell offers a portrait of the image of God we bear by explaining that the women of the camp would don the lipstick and walk around with bright red lips – still naked, still starving – but with a piece of their dignity and beauty back again. They would smile big. While during their time in detainment, they had only been a number, their identities and uniqueness stripped from them, now they were someone again.

Sexuality is more, explains Bell, than the act of sex. It is more than our preferences for the act of sex. Far more. He says our sexuality is really our desire for connection – for connection with ourselves, with the world, with others, and, ultimately, with God. Since the Fall, this connection has been severed. And we live with its severe effects. “We struggle in our connection with the earth,” he writes,” in our connection with each other, and with being connected with ourselves.” He continues to explain how in the beginning of creation, we were not disconnected. We choose to live a way apart from God, and we lost our relation with Him and, because of that, with all else. This is the source of all our discontent. “We’re severed and cut off and disconnected in a thousand ways, and we know it, we feel it, we’re aware of it every day. It’s an ache in our bones that won’t go away.”

One of the first things Bell sets out to do is redefine what we think of sexuality. If sexuality is about our connection, our deep-hearted, gut-level connection with ourselves and others – a connection which may be physical but only sometimes and only as an expression of that spiritual connection – then prostitution, for example, isn’t sexy at all. It’s not really about sexuality, but rather its opposite. Bell writes, “And so in the Red Light District there’s lots of physical interaction and no connection. There are lots of people having lots of physical sex – for some it’s their job – and yet it’s not a very sexual place at all.”

After discussing this awesome union between the divine and the human, and offering practical examples of such in his chapter “Angels and Animals,” Bell sets out to relate our many addictions to this need we have to connect. By doing so, he implies what may be the most profound insights into the psychology of attachments, that all of our pathologies are intimately connected to our sexuality, and that, in turn, is hopelessly tied to our spirituality. This innate desire is rooted in our Christian faith. In “Under the Chuppah,” Bell explains that marriage is meant to be the meeting place of heaven and earth. It is there that these ties are brought together and expressed, or at least meant to be. This relationship is the picture of godliness – the spiritual and the sexual in intimate communion together.

Bell ends his conversation with the thought that all we connect with on earth is really only still preparation for what awaits us in heaven. “Maybe Jesus knew what is coming and knew that whatever we experience here will pale compared with what awaits everyone.” Near the end of the talk, he simply asks, “Do you long for that?”

Infused with story, casual humor, and in-depth study notes for those who want to take his thoughts further, Bell’s Sex God takes the reader on a journey of discovering the simplicity and beauty of human sexuality. What is it? How is it tied to anything larger than itself? What are we to do with it? He is hopeful, wise, and compassionate. His style is that of a friend with whom you are taking a walk and discussing the nature of things, the things of nature, and the link between them. It is an astounding idea that our sexuality is tied to our spirituality. And one that will revolutionize our relationships with ourselves, with others, with the world, and with our God.