On Being, Loving, and Living

Being, Loving, and Living

I want to be… Not just put on a series of masks from the religious to the ridiculous and everything in between, posing as something I am not. Who am I? Who am I to be? The vision of who I am to be comes to me in snippets and flashes, like a poorly tuned TV flashing images of occasional clarity drowned out by static fuzz. I tune and turn my gaze on Him through the “darkened glass” and catch a growing glimpse of glory… and in that glory a glimpse of who I am to be as well. The weight of glory and the drama of destiny unfolds as I see Him, and in Him who I am to be. Little by little distortions drop and destiny begins to glimmer. In pain and brokenness as well as beauty and longing I encounter Him. Learning to run to Him instead of from Him I am being healed. Learning to open to Him instead of hide behind my “fig leaves” from Him, myself, and others, I am slowly but surely set free… I am beginning to understand the power of the cross so I can stand “naked and not ashamed”.

I will be…

I want to love… God above all else and everyone else I come in contact with. I don’t want to fall into the black pit of selfishness, hiding in the darkness gnawing upon the meager dry bone of “me, myself, and I”, when spread before me is a bountiful feast of love revealed by His perfect light. I must not give in to whining, or the inner luxury of self pity and it’s resulting anger and depression that beckon me so seductively in times of weakness and pain. Love calls me out of the black hole of “it’s all about me”. Only the strong pull of His love is enough to pull me into His light, overcoming the pain of the oh-so-present past, and launching me into the joy He brings. Little by little the vastness of His love penetrates my soul in mercy and grace and I am being healed. Step by step I turn outward, in simplicity and practicality loving those around me with the same love I am receiving.

I will love…

I want to live… really live. I refuse to settle for existing, for just “making it” or just “getting by”. I am created for more… I know it in the depths of my being. I know it because of His image stamped on my soul, the image that calls to me constantly, whether I recognize it or not. The Voice comes from deep within, and though faint,it is powerful, pressing through the din of life’s distractions and pain. Even when I give up, the Voice does not, ever calling my name. When I still myself the Voice becomes clearer, growing in strength. I must begin to live, not rush around distracted like a hyperactive child, confused and harried by the demands of life and the dull aches that clamor for attention and medication. In His love I find rest, and freedom from a restless and purposeless existence. In His healing touch I am released into purpose and power, living out temporal destiny with an eye always to the eternal. In His filling I find power, making the impossible possible. In quietness and confidence I find strength… entering in to the Rest that enables me to run the race with endurance.

I will live…

By His grace, through mercy, because of His boundless Heart to me, in me, and through me, I will be, I will love, and I will live.

For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen. -Romans 11:36

(thanks to a friend, daftac, for this reading.)