It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, though I had intention to continue some thoughts on the Christmas theme I began some time ago. I actually had a lot of ideas of what this Christmas season would bring, what I wanted to do. (Hiking and writing were among the top, as was spending lots and lots of time with people I love.) Some ideas came to fruition; others did not. What I did not anticipate was the amount of rest I needed and the amount of rest that, by the grace of God, I found.
My life over the past six months or so has been a confusing mix of both exciting new vistas into a ministry I’ve desired to enter into for many years and the weathering effects of hour upon weary hour spent in preparation for it.
So I slept. A lot. For the last two weeks, that’s mostly what I’ve done. I slept in. I took naps. And when I was up, I tried not to plan anything or even wander too far from the house, in case I wanted to lay down again. I wasn’t depressed — nothing like that at all. Just… worn out. Exhausted.
It’s easy to forget the effects that tiredness has upon a life. It’s not just a weariness of body, but one of soul, and it shows itself in my interactions with others that turn more superficial as I don’t have energy for the deeper reality, in my distance from God and even my own inner life (that part that is “hidden with Christ” — desires, hopes, fears, dreams, etc.), and in the sloppy way I end up completing things before me. My intention is good, but eventually, something has to give, as I simply lack the energy to follow through.
We’re horrible at this in our culture. Whatever the reasons — a sense of identity, distraction from existential meaninglessness, a misunderstood idea of purpose — the people I know tend to pile things on and stuff their calendars full of all kinds of things. Busyness is the name of the game. How often do you hear “Oh, I am so busy” in response to the question “How have you been?” It’s usually said with a sense of pride and accomplishment, a mark of achievement, a sign that they’ve really gotten somewhere. Jesus always seemed to move in the opposite direction than that in the gospels, always toward freedom and spontaneity and intimate time alone with his Father both for its own sake and so that he could enter deeply into the heart of the people he came across. His time was always spent meaningfully, not busily.
And I’m always amazed at the difference rest makes, and how vital it is to my life. I can see that again, this side of the last couple of weeks. I awoke this morning early, severely early if you compare it to the mornings I’ve been able to sleep in, and felt re-energized and ready for the day ahead, even for the week ahead. I was drawn to open the Scriptures to Hebrews, where I read about this needed rest we are to take (Hebrews 4). Now I know when you read that chapter and the one before it, you get the sense that the author there is referring to “rest” as a kind of state of being that is opposite to the unbelief that the Israelities demonstrated in the wilderness with Moses. It’s a kind of resting in Christ. But isn’t that what I’m referring to anyway? A state in which I am at rest and able to continually be at rest even as I’m fully awake and moving about in the world?
Besides that, entering into relational intimacy with God through Christ (what the author of Hebrews is in part referring to when using the word “rest”) does go hand in hand with resting from work, since this is what God did after his work of creation. “There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his” (Hebrews 4:9-10). This is hinted to in the idea of restoration, a renewal of all things back into what they were intended to be. Rest is a very holy thing.
For now, rested, and resting, I’m ready to get back into the swing of things, to enter again into the arena, knowing that soon I’ll need to take time away and regain my strength and sense of identity in God once more. Resting is part of the cadence and rhythm of the life we’re meant to live. The spiritual life is a lot like our physical health. You can never get so healthy that you never need to eat again.
I just hope I can remember that before I get to the point of exhaustion this time.
